In the 17 - 25 set, which I've gladly almost left, you get the full range of fashion options, which seems to narrow with age. Perhaps the older we get the less confidence we have to try something a bit more outlandish, take more fashion risk, and generally play it safe. And I think perhaps society is better for it.
We have two extremes within this age group which cause me extreme vaginal sand. And I shall outline the first for you now.
The Too-Trendy Mole Some of us, and I'm not necessarily including myself in this, but some of us are granted with an incredible amount of natural flair for the trendy. People like my dear Kath-C-sister-mine, my lovely friend Katspleen (maybe it's a Kat- thing?) and Panda-child have this flair. Then, we have people who are just overloaded with it, and are just soooo painfully trendy they just end up looking like an absolute and utter dickhead. Sure, they've got their finger on the pulse of fashion-du-jour, but it just looks like that pulse gave them serious concussion. There's a certain lady in the Underground Productions social circle who is one such as this, and I'm certain considers herself a Stylish Moll To Be Oberserved and Admired. Well, in this case, Moll would be more accurately replaces with Mole. Because that, my friends is what she is. Dresses that are incredibly up to date, but don't suit her body, horrendous, HORRENDOUS a-symmetrical or severe haircuts that make me certain if her hair weren't attached to her, it would run away in absolute despair. Too-Trendy Mole's are the epitome of too-much-of-a-good-thing. There's just SO much going on, instead of looking like a intricate masterpiece of couture, they just look like a car crash in a thrift store. Not pretty, people.
Avoid being a Too-Trendy Mole in three easy steps...
1. Do not treat your hair like a styrofoam wig. It it is not. It is hair. Bold cuts are great if you've got the confidence to wear them, but hair that looks like it was cast from a mould is never the right answer. Repeat after me, "Love your hair, love yourself." 2. When choosing accessories, if you know you can be a bit of an accessory whore, make a rule of taking one thing off before you leave the house. Secondly, if you think it *might* be a little too much, it probably is. Pick one piece that will make a statement, and tone everything else down. The intention is to catch people's eyes, not make them bleed from the sockets. Less is *usually* more, kitten. 3. Thrift store clothes are about quality not quantity. Mix vintage (sounds so much nicer...) with brand new, and you'll avoid looking like you exploded out of your grandmother's closet. And when shopping at a thrift store, never by anything with holes in it, unless you're prepared to mend it yourself, and have it mended. And don't wear it until it's fixed! I mean it.
Can you ever really move on from something if you didn't even realize that you were still stuck on it? Sometimes something gets so under your skin, that you don't even realize it's still there, festering and growing like a tuma until something presses on it, and you suddenly remember it and your shocked to find it still irritates you. Well, the infamous Kissy McHot'n'Cold turned up on myspace. He was a friend of a friend of mine. At first I was just glad to know he was alive and well (well, of course he'd be alive and well...), and I figured, I"m over this, all is well. So I added him to my friends list, and we exchanged brief messages, and now he occasionally pops up on my bulletin board.
I went back and had a more detail look at his page, specifically his pictures. He's friend with people who I am friends with, but wish I were closer to. He knows everyone I know. I can't escape him. I spent almost a year avoiding that entire circle of friends to get space, and now I feel like I can't actually return because in the entire time I've been away, I haven't actually dealt with anything. I'm still angry that he screwed me around for months. I'm still angry that he doesn't seem to even realize the effect he had over me. I'm still jealous that's he's closer and more well liked that all of the people I admire. I'm still jealous, angry and hurt, which is exactly where I was a year ago. I'm exactly where I started.
And that's just the trivial part of it. Sometimes it's something even deeper, and darker. I mean, boy/girl problems fade with time, and even while their sting is still potent as ever, you know rationally in your mind that it will fade. But then then are things that you just don't ever think you'll recover from. The best you can do is push it from your mind until it flashes cruelly before you catching the breath from your chest.
It all started when I made plans with Panda. We'd made a plans for a sleep over twice, and both times, Panda wasn't able to make it. And the second time, I admit, I got exasperatingly frustrated about it. And I started acting like a crazy person. Absolutely insane. I texted her, I called her, and paced the house going absolutely spare. Where was she? What was taking her so long? I then got a message from her talking about money being stolen from bags the lockerroom and waiting for police. In a flurry, I called her as soon as I'd read the message. No answer. I went into overdrive now, calling frantically, texting, and it just rang, and rang, and rang.
Eventually, it stopped ringing and started going straight to voice mail. By this point I was a wreck. I had no idea what was going on, all I knew was that Panda was supposed to be at my place hours ago and now she'd disappeared off the face of the planet without a word. I was absolutely beside myself, and by this point so exhausted I collapse into bed. And it wasn't until I fell asleep that I began to realize what my problem was.
It really had nothing to do with Panda cancelling and not calling. I knew in my heart that she would never do anything like that without a good reason (which she naturally produced the next day, and I felt suitably jackass-y). On the surface it was purely that fact that I didn't know if she'd gotten home safely, or if she was dead and raped in a gutter somewhere. And sure, this is the city, but why would I even think something awful like that would happen? And that's what my dreams revealed to me.
That night, the same scene played over in my head. The morning I woke to my parents thumping on my door to tell my that my cousin had commit suicide and taken his wife with him. My life changed that day. You never expect to hear that news until you get it. You never expect the police to show up on your doorstep with their hats in their hands, or a doctor to meet you in the waiting room with tired eyes pursed lips. You never expect that sort of reality-shattering news until that horrible day when it's does happen, and it's real, and true, and you can't just close your eyes and have a do over.
So there I was, on a night that simply didn't go to plan due to circumstance, and instead of using my common sense, I was waiting for my life fall apart again. I was playing over horrific scenes involving the demise of my best friend when there was absolutely no need for it, and as a result came close to exploding her phone with the sheer volume of texts and messages that I left. It's been over a year since Paul and Abby left, and I don't know of any specific and effective way to deal with that. And I guess I'm just terrified that I'll be knocked down again before I've had a chance to get up.
So where do I go from here? For know I'm going to steer clear of Kissy McHot'n'Cold's myspace profile for now. I'm going to get out there and make my own friends, who admire me as much as I admire them, and I'm going to apologise to Panda for being a completely irrational fool. The next phone call or knock at the door will not be the end of the world (again), and then, I'm going to take a breath and try to take a step forward
Okay, so I'm having a particularly gay moment here, and just having overwhelming love for some of my fellow queers. Namely, TR Knight of Grey's Anatomy, and Ellen Degeneres, who I've always loved anyways. A picture of TR follows. *drooollllzzzz*
So, for you kids who aren't clued in in the gossip, on the set of Grey's Anatomy, Isaiah Washington called TR Knight (who wasn't out publicly at the time) a faggot, which Patrick Dempsy pulled him up on so Washington and Dempsy had a scuffle. This caused murmurs in the media, and subsquently, TR Knight came out.
Further to that though, I stumbled upon TR being interviewed by Ellen on her show, and ABSOLUTELY FELL IN LOVE. He is just the most adorable guy ever, so, I'm going to have to buy season 1 of Grey's and watch it, because he is absolutely gorgeous. I shall post the interview for you kids to see what I mean.
So, after seeing this interview I dug deeper into the whole fiasco, and I got so mad. There's just no excuse for this behavior these days. There's no need for people to say such hateful things to each other. So, anyways, I am so impressed with the way TR has handled the who thing, and I now have nothing but admiration for him. It must be such a hard thing to do. And, definitely, in agreement with him, Ellen is such an inspiration, and has really paved the way for a lot of people. She's so amazing.
And also, I'm even more in love with Katherine Heigl than ever before. I mean, I've loved her since My Father The Hero, and of course, she's in Roswell, my favorite show EVER. But, the way she's supported TR through this and completely spoken with passion and honesty is just so commendable. For all of you who are interested, this video compiles all the media pieces regarding the broo ha ha, which includes Katherine's comments on the matter.
So, we have Ellen who every bit deserves her position as a queer icon and role model. Then we have adorable gay guy and his best friend. Awww.
So, then I found pictures of TR and Katherine together and they're just so sweet! Dawwwww!
And now here's me with my best friend (a hot talented lay-dee!) all TR-and-Katherine-like!
Always remember you are a treasure to me Delivered without your knowing nor mine
Your face is the moon, Your heart the sun And the distance between us sits comfortable in closeness
While your name rests in my hands Unremembered and unforgotten
For it just is Like ages
Reborn everytime a smile falls from my lips to appear on yours
~*~*~
The heartbeat of the City Is the same as in my chest And all these roads lead away from you Because there's nothing you can give me That I can't get on my own
So when the wind blows Down the alleys And the street lights are all dead Know that I have gone And left but memories in your head
~*~*~
A hundred tears on paper And a single written wish
A million midnight sighs And a single solemn wish
A sea of sullen children And a single whispered prayer
Anger is my mistress And guilt my only friend
I set myself adrift alone To right all that is unfair
~*~*~
Secrets stain the floors here But I don't know why it doesn't bother me I don't know why they stain the floors Or why I can still sleep at night
Often the ghost visits here But I don't know why I can look it in the face I don't know why it stares me down Or why I don't take fright.
So many things remain unknown And while those who question Wonders Ask so many questions I just wonder
Nothing more. Nothing less.
~*~*~
I would sell my soul and break my heart to rid your sleep of demons I write letters about things I cannot say but I don't send them to you Would it be alright if I rest my head on your shoulder and read them aloud? If I could catch my tears in a bottle and count the dreams inside
perhaps it would make the world okay perhaps it would make you stay here
So, okay, I've finally returned. And first of all, I'd like to introduce you to Ivan Koumaev and Allison Holker. Who I love.
Ivan is a human pretzel of love. And what's even better about that is Panda-mine is gonna teach me rad-times hip hop dancing. I'm really excited about that because I want to be more active and get fitter, and dancing is just so fun, so I just can't wait. Panda! I heart you.
On that topic, next we have the lovely Mia Michaels (left), who is one of my new idols. What I love about her, is that she's achieved so much, and she's so confident in what she does, and because she's achieved that, and because she know that's she's capable of the highest standard, she expects high standards from those around her. She gives hard criticism, but it's honest, and not mean.
I've taken on the role of production designer for an Underground show. Now, I know I said I'd had it with Underground, and I have. I'm really only doing this for two reasons. One, because Jeremy asked me to. I have so much time and respect for him, so that part was easy. The second was the design possibilities. I felt I could do something really exciting with what the script offered. Now, I don't like script so far as literature. It's really not my thing. But I felt I could really exercise my creative muscles, and I need to more of that.
And the great thing, so far, is that I'm determined to do my absolute best, and I'm determined not to let anyone screw me over, or make me water down my authority, or my own confidence. I'm really going to be strong through this, and trust in myself, and step up to the plate, and not back down. Jeremy *asked* me to design. He's shown at every step that he has trust and confidence in me, and dammit, I owe as much to him to have the same confidence and trust in myself. In the last few weeks, I've just had this tidal shift, and I've found the ambition that I need to really go ka-pow! and get my career moving. It was an interest before, it was new and exciting. Then I lost my way. And now, with Jeremy behind me, and the inspiration I've gotten from Mia Michaels, I'm determined to get to the top of my game, and acheive everything that's within my reach and more, so that when I demand top quality from others, I know that's because *my* work is of that standard.
I really need to thank Jeremy for giving me that tiniest push that has just launched an avalanche of creative juices and ambition. You are such a star, Jeremy, and people don't always give you the credit you deserve. You mightn't have directed before, but brother, you *know* theatre. You're magnetic on stage, you know how to give the audience words, and make them believe it. And just by telling me that you have confidence in me has made me feel like I'm unstoppable, and I'm going to go after my goals until I've conquered them, and make more to follow.
And I need to thank Panda. You're always by myside, and I can never ever thank you enough. You make me feel like on of the cool kids. You make me feel like people want to hang around me because I'm just the funniest, coolest guy. You make me feel so at home in myself, which doesn't come easily to me. I don't care about my weight, or my appearance, or any of that when I'm with you, because I know that when I am with you, I'm constantly improving. And you're new found energy, and your goals for dancing and teaching are just a delight to behold, and it's rubbed off on me! We're going places, kid, and you'll be bumping minges with Natalie in no time!
So, that's enough of that schmaltzy shite. I have one last person to introduce you to.
This Marit Larsen (right), a songstess from Norway. Love her, be one with her. Cuz she's the shiznit, and I loves her.
My dinner and party went smashingly. Sizzlers was disgusting fun, which is always great, and my lovely close friends came. It was okay that Tim and Tegan weren't able to come, because even though I really wanted them there, we did our special things. Tim gave me a Threadless.com shirt, and Tegan and Joel and I went shopping the other day which is really fun, and we (Tegan and I) sang Wicked all the way. My quiet little party made me happy, and the cake that Scott brought was to die for. TO DIE FOR.
So, I was just all upset and in a foul mood circa last post, but now everything is rosy again. :)
Open iTunes to answer the following. Go to your library.
How many songs? 1079. I'm been slowly rebuilding my collection since I got my laptop.
Sort by song title: First: (Far From) Home :: Tiga :: Sexor (I'm not even sure what that is... Something Simon gave me?) Last: 実力 :: Shiina Ringo
Sort by time: First: Intro :: Felix Da Housecat (Devin Dazzle and the Neon Fever) (0:04) Last: The Art of Cruelty :: Lior (Lior) (17:15)
Sort by album: First: #1 :: Fischerspooner Last:Well, the last tracks in the list don't have albums, so that last one is Against All Odds :: Postal Service. The last one with the Album filled in is 歌舞伎町の女王 :: Shiina Ringo
Top Ten Most Played Songs: 1. Over My Head (Cable Car) :: The Fray 2. How To Save A Life :: The Fray 3. All At Once :: The Fray 4. Trust Me :: The Fray 5. You Are Alone:: Invincible Overlord 6. Not By Force :: Invincible Overlord 7. Through The Years :: Invincible Overlord 8. Maryland :: Invincible Overlord 9. My Light Is As Bright As The Sun :: Invincible Overlord 10. Behind The Mountains :: Invincible Overlord Hmm, not the most indicative of overviews...
First song that comes up on Party Shuffle: Annie :: Emilie Simon
Find "sex", How many songs come up? 19 So Unsexy :: Alanis Morissette Sex Drive :: Paul Oakenfold No Sex :: Limp Bizkit Super Sexy Woman :: Sufjan Stevens Sexuality :: k.d. lang And all the songs from the Tiga album "Sexor"
Find "death", How many songs come up? Death Of It All :: Rob Zombie
Find "love", How many songs come up? 42 songs. I'm *not* transcribing 42 song titles...
I have new little baby in my family. He bes a little guinea pig by the name of Rob Zombie, and he is the perfect size to fit just so in the palm of my hand and I loves him.
Also, after some minor reading, I've discovered that I am an "Agnostic Spiritualist".
Agnostic spiritualism—the view that there may or may not be a god (or gods), while maintaining a general personal belief in a spiritual aspect of reality, particularly without distinct religious basis, or adherence to any established doctrine or dogma.
If I were a straight man, I'd marry Milla Jovovich If I were a straight woman, I'd marry Philip Seymour Hoffman If I were a gay man, I'd marry Thom Filicia If I were a lesbian, I'd marry k.d. lang.
My brain is rather scatter right at the moment, so this is going to be a point-form exercise, in no particular order, and no particular connection between points.
You MUST check out Zoe Keating. She is so fucking amazing I can't even explain.
I was so inspired and enriched by listening to her music that I wrote my first piece in months. And I'm very proud of said piece. I shall post it further down.
Due to positive responce so far of the video diary, I think that will be my thing now. I will try to do at least one a week.
I went and saw Beggars Opera today. Surprising it wasn't shit.
Jackie, Matt... you guys were so fucking amazing I can't even wrap my flaps around it. You really, truly, owned the show. Total.
Jessamy, every time I see you, you're that much better than last time. You could have been a complete cartoon, but you restrained yourself and chose you moment to add a silly flare, which made it so much more watchable and effective. Fucking awesome. You rock.
Jeremy, you are so consistent, a true professional. You turn in faultless performances, with confidence and panache time and time again. You're my hero.
Kieran, you are such a joy to watch. Man, I fucking love watching you on stage, you don't even understand. Jackie told me they wanted you to play Lockit as a queen, and you were a bit disappointed about that. I hear you. You do it brilliantly, but you're so much more talented and deserving than re-hashing old performances. I can't wait to see you do something more meaty, because you'll blow everyone away.
After the show, Matt and Jackie had to stay back and help, and Panda drove off on her scooter, and I felt sad and wanted to cry because I suddenly felt really alone.
My goal before the end of the year: to do up a first run of my vigilante street rag. I think I may call it "Feast of Days"
Cello draw your hand across me and the Universe as I know spills forth from the well of wells heart of hearts life upon life for here is the Feast of Days so listen and behold it for it is all for you
1.Your Middle Name: 2. Age: 3. Single or Taken: 4. Favorite Movie: 5. Favorite Song: 6. Favorite Band/Artist: 7. Dirty or Clean: 8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...
1. Do we know each other outside of LJ? 2. What's your philosophy on life? 3. Would you have my back in a fight? 4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest? 5. What is your favorite memory of us? 6. Would you give me a kidney? 7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you: 8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick? 9. Can we get together and make a cake? 10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately? 11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me? 12. Do you think I'm a good person? 13. Would you drive across country with me? 14. Do you think I'm attractive? 15. If you could change anything about me, would you? 16. What do you wear to sleep? 17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out? 18. Would you go on a date with me if i asked you? 19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? 20. Will you repost this so i can fill it out for you?
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gatsby_cat's journal
sympathetic
calm
le tired
On that topic, next we have the lovely Mia Michaels (left), who is one of my new idols. What I love about her, is that she's achieved so much, and she's so confident in what she does, and because she's achieved that, and because she know that's she's capable of the highest standard, she expects high standards from those around her. She gives hard criticism, but it's honest, and not mean. 
standard. 
amused
mellow
lazy
accomplished
awake
contemplative
muddled
chipper
bouncy